I heard Me scream...

Just around the corner
saw him there under the lamp post
sitting with his eyes closed and his fists too
wrapped in rags, with a bottle of sherry maybe
staring
staring into the sky, into oblivion
thinking perhaps

everyday, every moment
he sat there staring
in retrospect….
confused and tired
hungry and ill
sleepy and far…from home

he heard his own breath
being blown away
he heard his own being
being towed astray
behind a bike
like an empty beer can

our eyes met
or so it seemed for a moment
they were dark
tired and ill
tears dried but still visible
like channels on the dust caked face

oh yes….the face
the so very wrinkled face
covered with soot and dust
with tears maybe
and crumbles from an stale bread’s crust

the eyes knew it all
they have seen them rise and fall
those were haunting eyes
they bore through your very being and asked you
are you sure you wanna meet me?
are you blind or you just wanna beat me?


the eyes said….go home kid
I trust no one
you seem like too busy
to come here and hold my hand
you’re too busy
to crawl up and stand

the face knew it all
it screamed of pain
it laughed of disgust
but it was a very familiar one

he turned again and looked at me
I was just about to have pity
but then…I remembered
I knew him…..we had been friends
we had grown up together….years back

we had debated through nights
and I had always won
he never cared much
till I held him by the neck and beat the crap out of him
even then, he would come back and apologize

I waited for him to mould
to change the way he was and be a bit more bold
until that one day when he didn’t come back
he just went for a stroll
now I know why…with his backpack

I searched for him…days on end
but alas
he was gone…for good I thought
got tired of my beatings…felt sorry for the chap
I didn’t miss him anymore….
he didn’t deserve it
my girlfriend did….

sometimes yes
I thought about him
wished he was there
when I got married
when I had kids
when I got my first raise…but he was gone


and here he was
old and shaggy
looked like a beggar…smelt like one too
Oh Lord…good Lord!! Was this true?
I searched for him….eternity and beyond
and here he was….finally found

I wanted to hug him
gave a damn what people would think
I knew he was my best friend
and I knew I missed him
wanted to tell him I was sorry for all I did
that I wanted to go back home
and take him with me

we would live together again….brethrens
and I promise I would never even speak
‘cause I know now he was right
I know he wished good…maybe the only one
I wanted to take him home…my wife and kids are gone
they left me ‘cause they thought I was wrong
now I know....I was

I go to him and touch his shoulder
oh its so cold!
I want him to look and me and say
hey buddy! Wassup? I’m hungry…let’s go home.

I touch him and he slips….
I look around…frantic….anxious…scared…he’s not there
did I touch him?
or was it just the cold, damp air in my fists
I want him here, right now
I want to hold him and cry
I want to tell him that I will never let him go again
I want…..

people are staring…I give a damn
they are laughing now…I guess why
someone yells “Hey!! Nutter!!! Go get a bath you fleabag !!”
I look down….my bare feet stare back
my shirt…used to be white…is beige now…fluttering
I touch my lips, they feel like the scorched earth
I see my shadow under the lamp
there is a halo….can it be true?
hh no…not halo…that is a head full of hair….my head….my hair


I look around again….damn these kids
a stone brings a warm trickle on my face
I know its blood…my blood…I give a damn…
I want him with me
to hold me and to tell me its all right to be scared
to shoo away these kids and scold everyone who is laughing
I want to sleep….

I know who he was…
that was my soul….my very own being
Yes…my own conscience
hungry, poor, beaten and old
and he will never come back…or maybe he will…I cant wait any longer…but I have to
everything is dark now…dark and cold and mute
I don’t hear a thing

no wait!!
I hear a scream…far but its there…
a painful agony…….
I feel sleepy...and yet I hear it clear
can it be him calling? No…he stopped speaking a long time back

I hear it every day…can’t be a dream
I know now what it is….

I hear me scream………



Abhijeet Basu
23rd November 2006

Old mates

Met an old friend yesterday. The entire thing became kinda nostalgic. We remembered the "Good ol' times" when we were learning and having fun.

It was such a gruelling experience for someone out of grad school to manage a team of experienced and very competent professionals. And these people used to teach us...of the ropes of life and job. And now....we are the ones that have experience....we lead the way. We teach the young ones about survival out there...about life and about professionalism.

I am in a good mood to write something today and the way this entry is coming up....I am not quite happy. I can write better. I can think better. I guess I just need to get a hold of my mind and think...think and decide how to articulate my thoughts into good content. So just keep watching this space...who knows....I may just come out with a page compelling you all to think.

And there it is...right there

Almost heavens...he said
Life is old there alright and I am just too nai've to judge or comment upon that...but if this is what Denver felt like when he wrote the song....kudos...wrote it with tears...

Why is it that after achieving everything life has to offer you....you want to go back and have some peace? I mean...this is what we all work for right? Safe and healthy parents, a lovely wife, awesome juniors and greatest friends and the wait for a lovely daughter or son to call you Dadda or whatever you want him/her to call you.

Then why is it that something is always missing? Why is it that the world suddenly turns mute....and all you hear is your own blood gushing through the veins near your eardrum? As if like you just heard a bomb explode...meters away.

Suddenly....nothing else matters....but to go home. Yes...home...

A place where there are people who hate you, love you, pamper you, scold you and above all miss you. The point is...all those emotions are real. Yeah...R.E.A.L...They cry when you are sad, they scream when you are happy.....They wait for you when you are not there....

Guess I am bit blue right now. Damn! thats it... I am blue! I wanna run away where no one can ever see me. I wanna run back to my home. Yes....home....right there...around the corner....no no...don't look on the street. I mean the corner of life...just there you'll find home...a place to sleep and die....

Just there..around the corner...yes....just there...